You get what you need.

So we made the last payment on our IVF treatment without any real pomp and circumstance (thank goodness!)

When I arrived at my appointment yesterday, they took my credit card and I felt it heave and sob a little as I handed it across the desk, but I patted it on it’s shiny silver back (or was that its belly?) and reminded it that this is all for a good cause (at least….we hope. Pray for us.)

Anyway, I had my bloodwork and ultrasound and was advised that everything is progressing perfectly. My uterine lining was thin (due to the lupron), I had no mature or dominant follicles (normal for this stage in the “cycle”), my estrogen levels were within the appropriate range,  and I had no cysts (which the doctor said can sometimes result from the drug). Long story short: we’re looking good, so far! I started estrogen last night, which couldn’t have come at a better time as I had been relatively asymptomatic the entire time I was on the lupron aside from the last two days or so. I had bad headaches, felt lethargic, and really grumpy. I honestly thought it was stress, but I definitely think it was the lupron after talking with one of the nurses at our clinic. She said that I should feel better once the estrogen was reintroduced, and sure enough – I woke up this morning feeling like a real person again!!

Follow up appointment is scheduled for Friday, and my wife will have her baseline visit that day as well and start her injections either that day, or shortly after. We should be ready for retrieval in roughly TWO WEEKS with transfer shortly thereafter! My wife is picking up the sperm from the cryobank tomorrow and delivering it to our clinic (which is costing her 1/2 a day at work, but is saving us roughly $200!)

When I called the bank to set it up today, the woman asked which of the seven specimens we ordered I would like to pick up. I was like, “um…aren’t they all the same?” To which she replied, “oh yes, all from the same donor, but they were collected on different dates.” I told her to pick the one that looks like it has the highest likelihood of getting me pregnant. I was totally kidding and expected her to laugh, but she remained serious and probably thinks I’m clueless to how this entire process works. Oh well.

In the meantime, I mentioned in a prior post that my wife and I were going to casually glance at houses….and by casually, I totally meant stalk an open house for our dream home a few blocks away two Sundays in a row. (I didn’t want you to judge me – we have a lot on our plates and adding “buying a home” to that list is ludicrous, and possibly a little irresponsible, but we decided to look anyway). This home is absolutely perfect for us – it is a perfect size (bigger than what we have now, but relatively small overall, with a decent size back yard and close proximity to an adorable little downtown area with shops and restaurants that we already frequent and love walking to when we can). We’d be upgrading from a two bedroom condo that is working for us now, but will force us to get rid of a lot of furniture for a baby (which we will totally do, but would prefer if we could just have another bedroom).  The location is so prime and would be absolutely perfect for taking lots of stroller walks, park visits, farmer’s market shopping trips, and winter walks when it’s too much work to get in the car and drive in the snow.

BUT…..

After we crunched the numbers, it would be too tough to swing the monthly mortgage payment after we factor in what it will cost us for daycare. That is: if we are fortunate enough to get pregnant. We want to be completely prepared and feel comfortable. We’re comfortable now, but not loaded – and, I mean, isn’t everyone just a few paychecks away from being broke if they were to loose their job? I don’t want to live like that.

I just really want that house.

poutyface

Guess that goes back to my last post. Life isn’t always fair.

I got to spend last Saturday at my sister’s house, which is definitely too small for me, definitely in too remote an area for me (I need close neighbors – if I can’t throw a stone from my door and hit their house, they live too far), and definitely not anything like I would want for myself. But when I was there this weekend, sitting between piles of laundry, after stepping over the toys that litter the floor, and knowing I had to leave early because their spare bed got the boot when the guest room was converted into a second nursery to make room for my other niece, it was perfect. I scooted some laundry off of the rocking chair, and settled in with my chubby little niece snuggled up on my chest, and we fell asleep together: in the middle of the chaos, in the house that isn’t perfect, listening to crickets chirp, drowning out the resounding quiet of their little dead end street in the woods. I woke up to my other niece shuffling into the room wearing my shoes and cracking herself up as she de-toyed the shelves and reorganized the floor. And it was amazing. And that will always be amazing. And I was grateful. And I loved every moment.

(But I still really want that house.)

Which reminds me of the lyrics to a song:

You can’t always get what you want 
But if you try sometimes well you might find 
You get what you need

Hopefully life finds that my wife and I may not need a house at the moment, but we do need to be moms…..

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