Birthday shots.

In my 20s, birthday shots had a slightly different meaning, but this year – on my wife’s birthday, I took the first of – at least a few weeks of – lupron shots. So far, so good. I am giving them in my thigh (the other option is in my stomach area, which really freaks me out for some reason). No bruising, no side effects – yet. I’m fairly certain that our nurse indicated that this shot is supposed to put me into temporary menopause so that I am not producing eggs and my body is ready for the transfer eventually, but don’t quote me on that. The meeting was four hours long, and I did my best to write down and follow as much as I could – but anything I forget I just call the office about as it comes up.

Our nurse made us a beautiful calendar which maps out each medication that I have to take each day (bless her heart), so the chances are slim that I will miss anything and my wife is AMAZING with keeping track of the little details. When I traveled recently, she sent me emoji reminders of my pill times via text as she knew I’d be attending work dinners, and she wanted to keep me on track without taking me away from work. I’m REALLY lucky. I am not sure how I’d make it through this process with any other person by my side.

We heard back from the insurance company  and they gave us the final denial of coverage,  with the reason for denial listed as “no diagnosis of infertility”. The woman from the clinic called and said that they told HER it was because of lack of exposure to sperm, but since the reason they us was the lack of infertility diagnosis, we plan to follow up with a letter our doctor provided us with details on my wife’s PCOS diagnosis. Fingers crossed. We’re hopeful, but certainly not holding our breaths.

We are taking a loan for a bulk of the procedure, and using part of our savings for the rest. We didn’t want to deplete our savings entirely, because we are also hoping to relocate within the next year or two and would like to have cash available to do so, if needed. We currently live in a small condo, with just enough room to expand with a baby, but we have little storage space, and close neighbors so I’ll probably feel guilty on a regular basis thinking that I’m keeping them up with the late night symphony of baby wails. We aren’t searching seriously at this point, but keeping an eye on the market as we want to be ready to jump if something that really fits our needs pops up.

When Denise (finance lady) called to advise us of the denial of coverage, she first left me a monotone voicemail, and when I called back for a bit of clarity (notably upset) she informed me that “they did everything they were supposed to do” and when I told her I felt as though they didn’t entirely advocate for us and that we felt as though we may need to evaluate another clinic before proceeding forward, she suggested that we need to do what we need to do. Not so much as an “I’m sorry. This sucks.” I’m not expecting us to be best friends, or even cordial acquaintances, but when you are delivering heartbreaking news, you could at least muster a compassionate tone of voice, and a “this stinks.” Maybe I’m expecting too much. Maybe they DID do everything exactly right, but folks: we have gotten SO many different stories from people with the same insurance company but different situations, people with the same situation and a different employer, people who work in medical billing, etc. that we really didn’t know what was true and what wasn’t and couldn’t have forgiven ourselves if we didn’t try. And she was argumentative from appointment #1 so I don’t feel too bad about pushing back on her.  We pushed so hard and fought so vehemently, because:

  1.  Regardless of current law, what the insurance company is doing is wrong (but legally they can do it anyway).
  2. If there was some sliver of a chance that our fighting could help us hold onto a few thousand dollars that we could use ON our new family and not to build it, we wanted to at least try.

But, the cards fell, the answer was no, and while we are appealing it, we feel confident that the answer likely won’t change. So rather than continue to be consumed by this, we want to press forward – biological clocks are ticking, and we are simply hoping and praying right now that the one egg retrieval and two transfers that we will get with the package we are purchasing will result in a healthy baby. If not, we’ll head back to the drawing board.

I did mention to the doctor that I was disappointed by our interactions with Denise (since she plays such a crucial role in the process, and everyone else has been so kind and warm) and he thanked me for the feedback and vowed to pass it on. Although the practice isn’t tiny, I am fairly confident that they all talk (when I call to ask a nurse question, I hear from finance a few minutes later and vice versa), so I probably now have the reputation of the mean lesbian lady, but I’m trying not to care.

Right now, we’re targeting a retrieval sometime around the 3rd week of August, with transfer shortly thereafter.

This coming week will bring my mock transfer and hysterosonogram, and the following week my wife and I each have appointments (blood work, I think). My wife also got news that she has elevated levels of a thryoid hormone so she’s been put on syntheroid to regulate that. Hopefully we don’t have any unexpected guests in the near future. Our counter currently looks like a small pharmacy, and the number of open bottles seems to be growing by the day.

Positive vibes to you all for good news – wherever you are in the process.

 

 

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