Straddling the state line.

So the last week has been another roller coaster. I think I mentioned in my last post that I was traveling for work. Again. And I was due to get my period during that trip. Again. And I did. Again. So that ruled out another month of having the preferred window open for an internal ultrasound/bloodwork, but I called the doctor’s office, and they were able to squeeze me in for an appointment a week later than the preferred date, and they said they could likely get a good baseline blood panel done and the ultrasound wouldn’t show exactly what they’re hoping, but that it would work.

We are now really narrowing in on the date that we mentioned at the beginning of this process back in January/February that we wanted to get started with our first try, and we feel no closer to that ability to try than we did back in February from a financial perspective. I have been replaying every detail of every conversation in my mind with the insurance company, and the financial woman from our clinic, and I have a really uncomfortable feeling about how everything played out. Personally – I like the woman from the clinic who works in finance, but I don’t feel as though we are being advocated for – but I also don’t know if that’s a fair thing to even ask of her. She disclosed to us during that face-to-face meeting in their office last week, that she has been doing [fertility financial advising] for a year now, and I casually asked what she did prior to that (just making small talk) and she mentioned a short variety of things. At the time, it didn’t really make a difference to me, but looking back – I wonder: is she really knowledgeable in all of this? Is she the BEST person to be working with? With potentially $15K on the line, I want to ensure that we are working with the MOST knowledgeable person, and if there is ANY hope of getting the insurance company to cover any part of this, I want to go ALL IN to find that person who will help us to get that.

So: back in February, we made an appointment with a 3rd fertility clinic (which we subsequently cancelled because we liked this one so much) but that clinic is located in the state in which my wife works (which is also the state that has the insurance mandate) and I think we may want to consider making an appointment there, as their finance staff may be more well versed in the process and the mandate (which happens to be the same place that my wife’s coworker uses, and I am now starting to wonder if the clinic is the reason that she is not having any trouble pursuing coverage, and not necessarily the fact that she isn’t gay).

I mentioned in my last post, that we called a lawyer last week – they finally got back to me and referred me to another lawyer (coincidentally also in the state where my wife works). I should point out, that said state is literally a literal stone’s throw from the town where we live, but perhaps state boundaries can really make a difference here.

So we’re in the air about cancelling the two appointments scheduled next week with our clinic (one for me on Monday for blood work and ultrasound and the other for both of us which would be a regular consultation) and making them with the clinic in the state where my wife works, instead.

On one hand, some of the tests we have already done may need to be done again – which could raise a red flag for the ins co. The doctor we are working with now is also renowned in his field and his success rates with IVF are really high. On the other hand, if we proceed as is and miss an opportunity to potentially work with a clinic that has more knowledge in dealing with our particular insurance company – especially with regard to this mandate – I don’t know if we could forgive ourselves. We want to give ourselves that fighting chance to have as much of this covered as possible.

At the end of the day, we could just throw in the towel and pay the 15K out of pocket. If we knew that it was a done deal, 100% chance of getting pregnant, I think we would just bite the bullet and do it. But all of these unknowns are causing us to want to push just a little harder to make sure we’ve explored every resource before pressing onward, as we could do so much with that $15K with a little one, and if we can save ANY of it, we would like to at least try (especially since we recognize that 15K can turn into 25K very quickly if try#1 is unsuccessful).

So right now, it’s Saturday. And we can’t do much with either place, so we wait. And hopefully next week everything becomes more clear. Because in the meantime…

another lesbian couple we know (outside of the blogging world) just announced their pregnancy on Facebook this week (so I am debating reaching out for their experiences/advice – but always wonder if that’s too forward and invasive – thoughts?). Each announcement, though, especially when it is other lesbian couples, both gives us hope, and makes us wish we started sooner because we now both have really intense baby fever (with three nieces under 2, can you blame us?).

It’s pretty adorable, though. My wife always wanted children, but never had any desire to carry them, and always thought of herself as awkward and cold around babies. Since our nieces were born, though, she has become the “baby whisperer” and our second niece, M, will immediately reach her arms out when my wife walks into the room (regardless of who is holding her or around – including her parents) and it is the CUTEST thing. Watching her become an aunt has erased any tiny doubts I once had that she would struggle as a mom – she is loving, easy going, patient, and just so sweet with our nieces. I can’t wait to experience motherhood with her – now, if only we could get the finances figured out…

One thought on “Straddling the state line.

  1. I say definitely reach out to the couple who just announced their pregnancy. I bet they would be happy to discuss their process with you. We are friends with a lesbian couple who just had a baby a few months ago from IVF and they were so kind and supportive about us trying to get pregnant. I’m sure your friends understand how hard it is and how few people you can turn to for advice. They would probably love someone to talk to about it as well. It might bring you closer and that can get more support as they go through pregnancy and you and your partner get more support as you work towards getting pregnant.


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